How do you know when you have drunk way too much coffee?

you get a speeding ticket when you?re parked

you have a bumper sticker that says: ‘coffee drinkers are good in the sack.’

you answer the door before people knock

you just completed another scarf and you don?t know how to knit

you grind you coffee beans in your mouth

you have to watch videos in fats forward

you can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer

you lick your coffee pot clean

you?re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don?t even work there

the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse

your t-shirt says, ‘decaffeinated coffee is the devils coffee.’

you?re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas

you can type 60 words per minute with your feet

cocaine is a downer

instant coffee takes too long

you want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee jar

you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee

you?re offended when people use the word ?brew? to mean beer

you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug

you can outlast the energizer bunny

your liver used soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood

you introduce your spouse as your coffee mate

your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet

you have two complete orgasms whilst brushing your teeth

you talk so fast your tongue has windburn

you jog to work and arrive yesterday

your eyes are brown…even the white parts

you personally account for more than 1% of the gross national product of brazil

mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass

you bungee jump and go up

your coffee breath can etch glass

you think skydiving is just too damned slow